I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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