Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
