Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
