why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
