Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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