So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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