just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
