new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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