I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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