The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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