I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize