yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
