Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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