He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
