When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
