i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize