period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
