So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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