I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
