i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
