he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
