found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
