Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
