Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
