Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
