i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
