Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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