I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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