she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
