I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
