And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Come on in and take your pants off
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