I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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