Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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