clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
