thus making me awesome and them whores
i may or may not be watching the land before time
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
