My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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