Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
