and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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