so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
