Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
