How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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