before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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