you guys were way drunker than both of me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
