Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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