Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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