At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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