I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
