I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
