u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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