why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
