drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
