If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drake has all the answers
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
