Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
