I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
