u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
