You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
