I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
