At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
