Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
