this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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