dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
