We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
