So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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