chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
