So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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