Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
