Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
