it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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