If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
