I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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