I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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