I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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