Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
