it's too hot outside to masturbate.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
