I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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