Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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