normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
