i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
be right there i have to get my cape
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
