if you like me you must not know who I am
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
