her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
