I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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