Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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