I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
