I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
