How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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