Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
