a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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