I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
