So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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