I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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