Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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