you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
