i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize