got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
