yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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