I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
