Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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