Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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