i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
