i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
