God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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