is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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