On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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